I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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