He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
