The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
