Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
