If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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