i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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