A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
