these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
