Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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