We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
