At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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