True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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