I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
