I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
