Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
