She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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