my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
