That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
