No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
