in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
