So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
