All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
