I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
