we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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