WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
