If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
