I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
