Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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