My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
