What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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