Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
