what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
