I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
