I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
