Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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