We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
