I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
