she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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