i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we're making bets on your personal life
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
