when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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