i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
MIDGETS
????
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
