I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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