We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
