And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
