Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
