I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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