I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
