i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
