You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
