trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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