i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
