tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
