Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
