Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
